Bullies come in all forms, big and small. They range from the obnoxious child in a classroom or on a playground who is often relentless in tormenting other children, to adults that verbally assault co-workers and family members. Dealing with verbal bullies isn't fun, but there are a few things you can do (or help a child do) to reduce the effects a verbal bully has on your self-esteem and overall happiness. You're going to need to keep a few things in your "arsenal":
- A sense of humor,
- a sense of self, and
- a trusted group of family and friends.
Verbal bullies can do far less damage to those that have a higher level of self-esteem and a circle of people to lift them up when they are feeling hurt, scared or confused. Keep in mind, studies show that verbal bullies often have low self-esteem and prey on others to make themselves feel better.
Be informed. Verbal bullying should not be taken lightly. News headlines have been increasingly filled with accounts of violent attacks that were a result of bullying. Think words don't hurt? Take a look at this video showing the effects of verbal bullying on jars of rice.
Never engage a bully. It's like trying to have a meaninful conversation with a drunk. The verbal abuse only escalates, as many bullies actually experience a rush of adrenaline watching the outcome of their mean and hateful words. Using humor to de-escalate a verbal attack can be quite effective, if only to remove the immediate threat.
Learn to speak up. Children should always know there is a trusted adult they can go to if they are being bullied, whether that is a parent, teacher or someone else. If you are the parent of a child that is bullying, don't think it's just a phase that will "pass". Seek professional help to help your child deal with the underlying issues to their bullying. If you are an adult that is being bullied at work, make sure you have documented incidents and report them to your company's Human Resources department. If you are a spouse of a verbal bully, get professional help before it escalates into something physical. Help may come from an anonymous call to an Abuse Hotline, sessions with a professional therapist (preferably couples therapy) or a spiritual-centered counseling.
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